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| Subject: | blah... |
| Time: | 11:21 am. |
| Mood: |  cold. | | Music: | anything by poison the well. |
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ummm i'm super bored with my life... school is almost finished which is a fucking gift because im hating it right now... i feel so alone.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Thursday, December 18th, 2003
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| Time: | 5:19 pm. |
| Mood: |  busy. | | Music: | Yellowcard - Way Away. |
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i'm retiring for a while.... i'll be back soon
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, November 26th, 2003
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| Time: | 2:20 pm. |
| Mood: |  ecstatic. | | Music: | rufio - we exist. |
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i'm sooooooooooo in love...
PS: i got a job at GameStop
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, November 22nd, 2003
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| Time: | 1:50 pm. |
| Mood: | chipper. | | Music: | armor for sleep - dream to make believe. |
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Things are going GREAT for me right now... well aside from the fact that i'm going broke and busting my ass looking for a job... I'm really fucking happy. Josh and I are a couple now... and he's been making my life so much better. He makes me happy. Happier than anyone has ever made me.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, November 12th, 2003
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| Time: | 9:44 am. |
| Mood: |  silly. | | Music: | rise against - like the angel. |
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This song is for my Joshie...
Rise Against - Like The Angel
they turn the lights down low,
in shadows hiding from the world,
only coming out when it gets cold
the seas part when they hit the floor,
the voices carry on and out the door
and everything you touch turns into gold
like the angel you are, laugh creating a lightness in my chest,
your eyes they penetrate me,
(your answer's always 'maybe')
that's when I got up and left
a beating heart and a microphone,
a ticking clock in an empty home
still tells of these times so long ago,
and even though I've come so far, I know
I've got so far to go and any day now I'll explode
like the angel you are, laugh creating a lightness in my chest,
your eyes they penetrate me,
(your answer's always 'maybe')
that's when I got up and left
each and everyday it leads into tomorrow
and tomorrow brings one less day without you
but don't wait up just leave the light on
cause all the roads that I might take will all one day lead back to you
like the angel you are, laugh creating a lightness in my chest,
your eyes they penetrate me,
(and this is too amazing)
that's when I got up and left
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Sunday, November 9th, 2003
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hmmmmm... good day today. i running on no sleep and 3 cups of coffee... yummy. anyways my week is starting to wind on down and soon enough i'll be on my way to NY. i'm hanging out with Ed on saturday and then sunday i get to see Josh. YEAH FOR ME!!! ok got to go
Cookie: i hope you don't back out of taking over my job! i got everything set up for you. i should try and hypnotize you...
* $10 an hour * $10 an hour * $10 an hour * $10 an hour *
is it working???
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Saturday, November 8th, 2003
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yessss... its saturday. i'm having a really good day. i spoke to Josh for a while this morning. i spoke to Cookie about the job and everything so far is going smoothly. and i talked to Ed and we are planning a trip to Portland Oregon for my birthday. i'm pretty excited about this... its going to be loads of fun.
ps. i'm getting tattooed when i get back to NY. YEAH FOR ME!!!!
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Thursday, November 6th, 2003
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| Time: | 10:41 pm. |
| Mood: |  blah. | | Music: | yellowcard - one year six months. |
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Ed, i love you pookie
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Time: | 11:43 am. |
| Mood: | cheerful. | | Music: | MEST - opinions. |
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"tell me what i can do to make them happy? but then will i be happy?" i don't know i chose this song. it does'nt fit my mood but its still a good song...
i'm in a really good mood. its thursday... the days seem to be going pretty fast. i can't wait until i leave. "i wish someone could feel..."
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Tuesday, November 4th, 2003
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(don't ask me what the fuck that ^ is) any ways, its tuesday... i'm bored and very anxious. i really just want to be in NY and get back to my life. get back to a possible relationship that might begin. get back to being with Josh. i'm so incredibly excited about him. i just have a really good feeling about him. i want to own him. i want him to be mine and vice versa.
Alexis is in town... Alexis is a girl i met like 3 or 4 years ago. we were extremly close. she got into some problems with drugs and her x-boyfriend so i let her live with me for a while. which was alot of fun when she wasn't going through her drama. i haven't seen her in a year. i miss her alot. she moved to Denver for whatever reason but i have to see her before i leave again.
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Sunday, November 2nd, 2003
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Morning or should i say afternoon... long night yesterday, i'm kind of out of it. Cookie came to hang out with me in West Palm and then she wanted to invite her new boy toy Pablo over. i don't like this kid. i remember him from high school, he's a smartass and some what conceited. not only that he was best friends with my ex so he often brings up his name which i hate. i don't like thinking about him. i broke his little heart just to get popular. i was so snobby in HS. its a time i choose not to think of. and i hate when people bring it up. its just not me anymore. anyways he brought one of his stupid friends over, Diggy (what a dumb nickname). he thought he was sooo smooth. and while i was entertaining him all i could think about was Josh and what he was doing... if he was having fun... or was he thinking of me... then i got sleepy so i told them to leave... actually i made Cookie tell them to leave (haha).
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Saturday, November 1st, 2003
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i want to go home... anyways i spoke to Cookie and she does in fact want to take over my position in my Job in FL (that sounds confusing???). which i'm pretty psyched about because its one less thing to worry over.
i spoke to Joshie for a while... man i truly hope this works out... i got a good feeling about him.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | Z z z... Z z z |
| Time: | 10:32 am. |
| Mood: |  groggy. | | Music: | taking back sunday - great romances of the 20th century. |
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i'm about to plop my head on this desk and pass the fuck out... i got nooo sleep last night. i tossed and turned for hours. then when i would fall asleep i'd have nightmares... i feel like pure shit today.
anyways i'm kind of stressed out... very soon, like Monday i think, i have to tell my job i'm leaving for good. i just really hope Cookie can take my place. i would feel really bad if i just left them high and dry.
i talked to Joshie yesterday for like 40 minutes. i'm beginning to panic like i always do... the more i like someone the crazy my head gets. i really want to be optimistic about us. i'm really trying but i can't help but wonder sometimes about the negative stuff. i know why i'm going nutts over this... if i was over there i would feel differently. Ugh! what the fuck is wrong with me?! i need to chill! he's genuinely a good guy. why can't i get that through my fucking head... -NOT EVERYONE IS OUT TO GET YOU- some just want to make you happy.
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Thursday, October 30th, 2003
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well i'm house sitting which is actually pretty cool... i have a pool, a jacuzzi, a library, and a computer at my disposal. its kind of like a mini vacation. anyways i'm a little bored... i have all of this but no one to share it with.
i miss Josh. i finally feel like i have someone who feels the same about me as i do to him. this feeling, its what i felt with Bobby the first time i met him but its ten times better because the feeling is mutual. its weird but in a very good way. we talk about this and we try not to get too optimistic but we can't help it. he makes me happy.
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i'm tired. my dog is sick. i'm broke as hell. and i'm in boring ass florida... but i still have a smile on my face. i wonder why???
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Tuesday, October 28th, 2003
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where do i begin???
i'm soooo happy today. i went on a date with Josh yesterday and it was great. i had a really good time. he treated me so good. he paid for everything and it was really nice to be with someone that just wants to make you happy. and i feel like i can trust him. i have a really good feeling about him.
Cookie finally called!!!! i wanted to be upset with her but we haven't talked in so long that i couldn't help but to want to tell her about whats been going on in my life and it felt good to talk to her again. it was just like the old days.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Monday, October 27th, 2003
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| Time: | 12:37 pm. |
| Mood: | awake. | | Music: | glasseater - everythings beautiful when you don't look down. |
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i do apologize for that very short entry... i was a bit hammered so i couldn't really type too well... anyways i went out with Ed yesterday. i hung out with him and his band and i got to say i'm not sure i like them... i'm definately not into hardcore. then after that we went to a Knuckleboro show which was pretty cool. I got a little drunk, hung with Ed, and i saw Josh...
Let me tell you the story about Josh... I met Josh when i first moved here and Ed made sure that me and him didn't hook up. "Why?" do you ask... Well that's when me and Ed first met so he wasn't sure if he had feelings for me but right now is a totally different story. Ed and I are in fact best friends and Josh knows that. So we chatted, exchanged numbers and looks... hmmm, this could be the start of a beautiful thing???
i'm actually kind of sad about the whole Anthony situation... but i don't want to go through all that drama of constantly wondering what he's thinking or if he likes me. i don't deserve that. he's just not ready and i don't want to be the one to get hurt. so i think its done between me and him. too bad so sad...
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Sunday, October 26th, 2003
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ok enough with the entries on Cookie... i'm done. this is definately the last entry on her... no more songs to dedicate... and if she really means anything she has said she would be woman enough to pick up the goddamn phone and say it in person
anyways... i hung out with ed today... it was cool. i hung out with Josh too, hmmmmmm...... i think he likes me?
i don't think me and Anthony are going to work??? i just don't want to get hurt and i think it would happen with him. how sad i miss him...
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Friday, October 24th, 2003
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TBS:
Well I can't regret,
can't you just forget it?
I started something I couldn't finish
And if we go down,
we go down together
best friends means,
well best friends means
And I've got a twenty-dollar bill
that says you're up late night starting
fist fights versus fences in your backyard
Wearing your black eye like a badge of honor
Soaking in sympathy
from friends who never loved you
nearly half as much as me
Broken down in bars and bathrooms
All I did was what I had to
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's just what anyone would do
Take the time to talk about it
Think a lot and live without it
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's something unforgivable...
Well I can't regret,
can't you just forget it?
I started something I couldn't finish
If we go down,
we go down together
best friends means,
well best friends means
You never knew
well i never told you...
Everything I know about breaking hearts
I learned from you, it's true
I've never done it with the style and grace you have
But I've made long term plans
based on these mistakes
Broken down in bars and bathrooms
All I did was what I had to
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's just what anyone would do
Take the time to talk about it
Think a lot and live without it
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's something unforgivable
Is this what you call tact?
I swear you're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back
so let's end this call,
and end this conversation
there's nothing worse...
I swear, you have no idea
The jealousy that became me thinking
that you always had it way too easy
Broken down in bars and bathrooms
All I did was what I had to
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's just what anyone would do
Take the time to talk about it
Think a lot and live without it
Don't believe me when I tell you
it's something unforgivable
Best friends means I pulled the trigger
Best friends means you get what you deserve
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, October 22nd, 2003
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hmm... i'm not sure if i should be happy about Cookie responding to one of my entries but i actually had anger come over me... what happened between us was so unnecessary and i just want to know why? GOD i must be some sort of masochist to still want to be friends with someone that just hurts me repeatedly... i love her soooo much and she just burned me like it didn't really matter, like i didn't really matter! i guess this is how it will be, i'll continue to dedicate songs to her while she sits and does nothing with my heart in her hands... "does it hurt when you think of me and how broken my heart is?"
"Even if i wanted to
i don't think that i'd get to you
there's nothing i can say to you
to make me feel alive again.
here, a little jealousy
i hope you think of me
i hope you wonder where i sleep at night
cause i feel like i'm inside out
you've got me upside down
maybe i was holding too tight
Even if i wanted to
i don't think that i'd get to you
there's nothing i can say to you
to make me feel alive again.
the two of us we dream like one
the two of us, the two of us
the two of us took breath like one
the two of us, the two of us
i guess that this is over now
i guess its called a falling out
but everyday i'm learning how
to make it through this life i'm in..."
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noseatbeltsplz's journal
high.
anxious.
nostalgic.
infuriated.
crushed.